Lord, this is a strange new season where I find myself. I know you told me not to dwell on the former things, because you are doing something new, and I’m trying, Lord, but I have such fond memories of the old, and I miss it. I miss those baby days, the smell of just bathed baby skin, the delighted squeals of happy baby laughter, and the warm evening snuggles with a lullaby before bed. I miss the homeschooling days, where I learned as I taught, and took so much pleasure in watching them grasp those new concepts as the light went on inside their head when the connecters in their little brains clicked. I loved loving them, and teaching them, and nurturing them. I loved watching them grow, and learn, and mature.
And frankly, Lord…I’m out of my comfort zone in this new place you have me. Three of my four children are grown and have left the nest. Two have started families of their own, the third is exercising her new-found wings, determined to learn things on her own, without me, same as her older siblings did. The fourth is only a short stretch away from being an adult, and I worry that I haven’t adequately prepared her. There is so little time left, and so much she still needs, and I have a strong sense of my failures, limitations and inadequacy in preparing her.
And, here I am, still learning as I go. No longer teaching from a standpoint of lecture and instruction, but from one of example. I’m learning as I go, how to place them in your hands, as you remind me of the lesson you taught me years ago; that You know them, better than I ever will, and You love them deeper than I ever could. I humbly offer up to you all of my expectations, attempts, successes and failures in my endeavors to love, instruct and guide them. Forgive me, Lord, for trying to do so in my own strength, and fill me with the knowledge of your forgiveness for the judgment and anger that propelled my desire to help them but only served to push them farther from me and potentially, from you.
Draw us all to yourself, and bind us together in your love, Lord. Remind my children of your presence and help in the busy-ness of their lives. Help me, in my responses to them, to understand, support, and affirm them in their faith, and direct them to your throne in their time of need.
In the Precious Name of Jesus, I ask these things.